Here at pen15.js we are committed to building a better world, which is why we must comment on the receent re-election of Donald Trump.
Why did nobody stop this from happening?
If stopping this man is so important to defending democracy, woman's rights, and the liberal world as we know it, how come the best the opposition could offer was a senile old man and a very unpopular woman who in 2020 only won 5% of the primary vote in her own state?
But wait! There was one more person who could have stopped it! And his name was Thomas Matthew Crooks.
But again, if stopping Donald Trump was so important, why was the task left up to this lonely and mysterious and pimply young man?
And, if this was such an important mission, then HOW COME the last thing the young man did before shooting Trump, was to look at internet porn?
Maybe this young man was envious of the man who built a Golden Tower With His Name On It in the center of the Greatest City In The World, and he wanted to measure up.
Maybe this young man was envious of that man and his new buddy, who builds rocket ships and sends them into space and brings them back down, and he wanted to measure up.
Maybe this young man looked to the primal phallic powers of internet pornography for one last hit of adrenaline before he took aim.
But his aim was off, and the rest is history.
An Alternate Future
In an alternate future, this young man could have taken a lesson or two from Camille Paglia:
Here we come to the source of man's cultural achievements, which follow so directly from his singular anatomy. Our lives as physical beings give rise to basic metaphors of apprehension, which vary greatly between the sexes. Here there can be no equality. Man is sexually compartmentalized. Genitally, he is condemned to a perpetual pattern of linearity, focus, aim, directedness. He must learn to aim. Without aim, urination and ejaculation end in infantile soiling of self or surroundings.
- Camille Paglia, Sexual Personae
But he didn't, and he soiled himself.
If he had been trained in the methods of pen15.js, he would have learned that the mathematics of Trajectory Physics is the same whether you're calculating how to land a rocket on the moon, how to piss into a toilet, or how to properly assassinate a presidential candidate.
VIRGIN vs CHAD
The Virgin shooter is leaking his eros into the digital void.
The Chad shooter learns to concentrate his aim and his purpose.
I've heard libs lamenting
That the shooter didn't miss
The real fault is of his father
Who never taught him how to piss
He was envious of the men
With their rocket ships and towers
He took one last look at online porn
To gain their phallic powers.
But his eros was too leaky
And he missed by just an inch
if he'd trained himself with pen15
The task would have been a cinch.
An Alter-Alternate Future
In an alter-alternate future where he learns the methods of pen15.js to steady his aim, he is also taught the responsibility that comes with having an aim. He also learns to properly court his digital anima, to get in touch with his feminine side by making some nice flowers out of bezier curves. Maybe then he won't be so obsessed with assassinating political figures.
He meets a girl. They get married and have kids. They build a beautiful life together. As they both get older, one day she gets sick. She needs a dangerous surgery that could take away her vital functions. She wants to give him power of attorney because she doesn't trust the rest of her family. Especially her bitch of a sister, she just knows she's the type to keep her on life support when she doesn't want it.
She wants the decision to keep her alive or pull the plug in his hands, and his hands only.
Their last words before she goes into the operating room:
My body, your choice?
Your body, my choice.
I love you.
I love you too.
SAVE DEMOCRACY
Spread this around until Trump and Elon see it. It will drive them apart because Trump can't stand jokes about himself, and Elon can't resist a good dick joke. Spread this around and it will drive a wedge between them and save the world.
